I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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