I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
