Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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