You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
