somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
