what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
