Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

I wish I could drop acid with the muppets

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(760): View more from California

have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

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(817): View more from Texas

Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

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(817): View more from Texas

I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night

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(519): View more from Ontario

He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.

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(708): View more from Illinois

omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars

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