i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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