Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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