Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sext me about skeletons
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
