There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
