so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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