Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
