just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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