He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
