i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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