Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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