I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
