The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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