I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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