Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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