Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
