he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
