Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
