why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
