Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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