nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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