I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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