please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
