Plan B is the new Plan A
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
