What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
