he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
time to smoke my breakfast
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
