imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
