You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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