new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
