I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
