If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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