Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
