my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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