if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
