I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
