she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
