If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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