Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
