The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
