we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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