Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
