you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
