maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
