They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
