put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
