Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
