Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
