Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
