Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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