I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
