someone threw a dead crab at me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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